She was a pretty awesome gal: an explanation

It's funny how life can get you sometimes. Right in the gut when you're least expecting it. Today has been a bad day because one of the most bizarre and ausome girls died two years ago today. As such I have found my eyes to be leaking incessantly and sadness appears to be creeping up on me from all angles. I miss this girl pretty much every day but for some reason today, being her anniversary has hit me harder than usual. I don't totally get it as technically this day is no different from the rest of my days, I do miss her all those other days but what is the difference? Maybe because it is now two years that I haven't heard her dirty laugh and it marks that time goes on without her which, in my opinion is a travesty, especially for those who never got a chance to meet her.

Each time today when I have tried to explain her awesomeness To current friends who never had the chance to meet her, I have found myself saying, "dude, you would have loved her, she would have totally made you laugh for all the wrong reasons. The fact that she was able to do this was down to one simple thing, she was truly a one in a million. I worked with Tammy Evans for a short year and a half and not once in that time did she ever not surprise me. She was fierce and loyal and so rediculous you couldn't help but be carried away by her frantic schemes. I wish more than anything that I had gotten to know her better than I did because with Tams there was always so much more to learn.

You see, this girl had cancer. The crappiness of it all was that she was completely on the mend: clear scans and all, when she suddenly became sick and died in the space of one week. All this meant, that even though we had been there with her for the 6 months she battled with chemo, we all really thought that she'd won.

I want to do her justice, the problem with all of this is that although I knew her well, today I realised that I was in fact starting to forget odd things about her. There are things that will never be forgot like that amazingly dirty laugh of hers and the crudeness she added to all that she had to say. Her complete honesty in everything, no matter how deep the details of her experiences went.

I sat with her at her funniest, at her most vulnerable and at her most rediculous. I pretty much loved all sides of her, I like to think that bits of her have been rubbed off on me.

For example, I text a mutual friends of ours today and called this woman in the text "my lovely". This friend simply text back... "That's what Tammy used to call everyone." I had completely forgot that she did but as you can all see by the way I sign off my blogs, (peace out my lovelies) I had inadvertently gained her trait and have taken it with me as pretty much very text I send to a loved one starts with "hey my lovely".

I know you guys have no relevance to this woman, and so can only read with maybe a little bit of sympathy but not much relativity, but I can only tell you now. I wish you could have known her, and if I had had the brains to start this blog a year prior to when I did, her conversations and antics would fill most of the pages on this thing.

Sorry to be so morbid today, but I assure you, she is a woman that not one of you wouldn't have adored because, quite simply, she was 100% unique. Therefore I had to write a blog to explain my retweet of last years blog and take one silly and cheesy moment to say, every friend you have, every person that makes you laugh and cry like none other, every person who, when they surprise you by saying the most amazing thing ever and leaves you with that feeling that simply says "You're awesome." Cherish them. You probably already do but I felt that today I just had to reinforce the point because I don't think I told Tammy enough. And although I'm sure she already knew it (because she was awesome like that) I still regret not saying it aloud enough.

Peace out my lovelies.

Sometimes my parents simply make me chuckle.

Text I received from father after my last post:

"Just read your blog. Sounds amazing. Your Mum didn't get it and is concerned you have got into something weird. Mind you she also text me last night (I am at Gran's) to say she watched Titanic and found it depressing. Not even your Mother could expect that story to have a happy ending!!  Love you. Dad"

There are so many things that I loved about that text. But I decided to ring my mother to explain to her what this weekend had been all about.

Me: Hey Marmie
Marmie: Hey sweetheart.
Me: I hear you think I've joined a cult!
Marmie: It's okay now, your father has explained it to me.
Me: You didn't honestly think I'd actually joined one did you?
Marmie: I didn't know what to think! There was a lot of talk about gangs and fights. I didn't quite understand what was happening.
Me: Marmie, I talked about 1920s outfits and mentioned that everyone spoke in New York accents... In the middle of London.
Marmie: I know! It was very confusing.
Me: ... And so your mind went straight to 'cult?'
Marmie: Well, you read that post as if you didn't know it was connected to Bugsy Malone and tell me what you think it's about!

I have cleared it with her now though! My mother has realised that it was just a simple fun night out and she's set her mind at ease.

Phew! Me and my cult buddies are saved from that one!

Peace out my lovelies.

Random-Stranger: So answer me honestly, is this not the best night of your whole entire life? ... Me: Yes. Yes it is.

Ladies and gents. Those of you who were playing my little game on twitter will know that last night I was part of a highly secretive thing that I'm not allowed to talk about otherwise I might be viciously killed in some kind of gangster related crime that will be all over the papers tomorrow but hidden behind the excuse that I was romantically involved with the gang leader and then cheated on him with the leader of the opposite gang... or something like that.

I have decided however that I will tell you all where I went last night under my rights as a live reporter etc and so forth... however, if I do die in a gang related crime and they claim it was for the reasons above then I rely on you guys to get the real story out.

Last night at 6pm One-And-Only-Daniela and I dressed up to the nines... in our usual clothing... that we got from a costume shop... and wearing makeup that in no way was over the top for the times we are living in.

We had a post code and a time for a secret rendezvous, we didn't know much but we knew it was under a bridge, we had to bring a book, a flower and be all dolled up like two dames looking to have a swell time out on the town. Being the dumb broads that we were, we forgot the book and the flower but we came dressed to impress, wavy hair, headbands, beauty spots and all.

We arrived at this secret rendezvous and what we saw was simply awesome. Everyone dressed up to the nines in authentic 1920's dresses for the ladies and full on gangster suits for the gents. Under the bridge were people shouting at each other in thick New York accents. As soon as we arrived, a man came sidling over to us with a pin striped brown suit on and started asking us if we knew Dandy Dan and whether us fine dames had arrived here with him. Naturally, we said that we had no clue where he was and we had only just arrived ourselves. Of course because the man was talking to us in a thick New York accent, we both sounded like the most posh people you'd ever met in comparison.

The man proceeded to tell us to wait there as he was going to find Dandy Dan and introduce us. He went on to say that 'Dandy' would love to have us in his team and that he would be back. Off he went and our attention was momentarily taken by the man in slacks, braces, a tacky shirt and a flat cap who was waving newspapers around whilst standing on a box and shouting "Extra Extra! Read all about it! Another murder has taken place." Next thing we knew a woman with short black frizzy hair and more make up than us combined leaned in and said "Can you believe it? I can't believe what has happened to this town, it's gone straight to the dogs." Another woman from the other side chipped in, "I hear you doll, this used to be a nice town, not like now with all these hoodlums walking around."

It was at this point that I turned to One-And-Only-Daniela and simply said "This is the best thing ever."

Suddenly a group of men came bursting out of a side door, demanding to know where Dandy Dan's men were. From around the corner came Dandy Dan and another group of men and they proceeded to fight each other, throwing men over their shoulders, putting others head first into a trash can. They all eventually ran off hoisting up a few men in the air and carrying them away.

This was the point when a woman in a high New York voice came waddling over to us.

"Are you girls waiting for Dandy Dan?"

"Apparently." I said.

She held out her hand for us to shake. "Hi toots, I'm Lena Marelli. You've probably heard of me, I'm a big star you know. I'm also Dandy Dan's lady and he's asked me to show you into the club. Follow me girls and you won't get lost."

Lena waddled off again and we hurried to catch up with her.

"How much are you tempted to start speaking in an American accent?" I asked One-And-Only-Daniela.

"I'd be crap at it."

"I know, so would I."

"Still... it is tempting."

Half way down the road, Lena was babbling on to us and several others who had now joined our group. Suddenly she yelled out, "There he is! Look honey, I got your people, just like you asked."

Dandy Dan glided over to us, a tooth pick permanently stuck in his tooth and wearing a dapper grey pin striped suit with matching hat.

"Thanks toots." He turned to look at us. "Listen, when you get in there, I want you to wait for me down in my gym, I gots some things I need to discuss with you before you go in."

One-And-Only-Daniela and I simply grinned like cheshire cats and nodded dumbly back at him whilst whispering to each other "This is so cool!"

Dandy Dan sauntered off ahead of us and we continued to follow Lena. Once we got to the queue, she turned to us, said her goodbyes and waddled off.

Once we were inside, we were directed to a small room underground where Dandy Dan was waiting for us. He told us that we were about to enter the Speakeasy of one of his most hated enemies, Fat Sam. As such, we needed to ensure we had our wits about us and that he was going to need our help to defeat him. He asked us to meet in his gym in 20 minutes as he had a plan. He then opened the door for us and we were in a 1920's gym. He reminded us to meet him here, and showed us to the stairs which was the entrance to the Speakeasy. Moments later we entered the massive room that was officially Fat Sam's Grand Slam.

If you aren't aware of what film this whole night is based on yet then let me firstly say "Seriously????" and then throw in the next hour in simple bullet point clues.

1. The first drink we had was called a Tallulah Twist

2. A big built guy introduced himself to me as Fat Sam and told me he would like to call me legs. (FYI, this one I couldn't contain by excitement over, One-And-Only-Daniela was busy with her phone and hadn't noticed him sitting next to me, I simply grabbed her by the arm and squealed "Daniela! The actual real live Fat Sam is sitting next me and I think he's flirting! How amazing is that?" One-And-Only-Daniela immediately put away her phone and joined me as we both smiled our biggest smiles at Fat Sam. I hastily introduced One-And-Only-Daniela and she giggled in response to his compliments.

Fat Sam then asked me if I was a tap dancer, I immediately answered yes (I've never tapped in my life) and he encouraged us both to come and audition later in the night. (We did... with about 50 other people, under bright lights... my dress was a little bit see through, I'm guessing everyone found out what underwear I was wearing after that.)

3. There were dancers in very tight clothing with feathers in their hair.

4. One of these dancers, in between songs, came storming past our table with another man chasing after her. He was begging her for another chance, she eventually caved in and said he could have one last chance and if he screwed it up then she was done with him. He kissed her hand, walked away and the woman turned to us and said "That Bugsy, he thinks he's so slick." Both One-And-Only-Daniela and I shot round to look at the man again, mouths open in shock. This, of course, just caused THE Bugsy Malone (and when I say 'THE' of course I mean that these were all real people and that there were no actors at all... we actually did go back in time last night... sssh, it happened) ... wait where was I? Oh yes, this caused (say it with me people) THE Bugsy Malone to storm back over to us and demand to know what the dancer had said to us and whether she had been bad mouthing him. I naturally told him that she had said he was awesome (I may have found a more 1920's word than that) and that she was a lucky dame to have a fella like him. He said thanks and then shook my hand (which I will never wash again) and went on his way.

OH
MY
DAYS

It was the most fun I have ever had. All of this was brought to us with the songs being sung live as well, rumbles happening regularly. We were then ushered to the side of the room that had been turned into a Casino, which Dandy Dan naturally rumbled as well. We were all told to duck as splurge guns were shot into the air.

After this, the purpose of why we were all here happened, a screen slid down and the film came on. We all sat and watched Bugsy Malone whilst singing at the top of our lungs.

I went to the loo halfway through, came out of the cubicle to see in front of me the same thing I see every time I go out, ladies touching up their make up and fluffing their hair, only this time everyone was dressed in 1920's clothing and it was the feathers in their hair they were fluffing and the beauty spots they were touching up. I had to, at this point, turn to the woman next to me and simply say "This is the most surreal bathroom I have ever been in." She raised her eyebrows and said "Tell me about it."

At the end of the movie, as the final showdown starts to happen, waterproof macs were handed out for everyone to put on and paper plates were given to everyone with foam applied generously on top. As the Speakeasy in the movie is invaded, men came running into our Speakeasy and started shooting splurge guns everywhere, One-And-Only-Daniela and I of course proceeded to smother each others faces in foam whilst throwing each other into the eye line of a gangster with a splurge gun.

Want to see pictures? Of course you do.

To say that I had an awesome time doesn't really cover it. It was the weirdest, most bizarre night of my life and I loved every single second of it. I'd tell you more about it but it's meant to be a secret and I don't want to break any rules by talking about it...


Peace out my lovelies.

If you want money out of me then it is actually very easy. Give it a go.

I got gift vouchers for Marks and Spencer's this week so I decided that I would buy a dress for the wedding I shall be attending tomorrow. I bought a really nice maxi dress, full of colour. As I was leaving the shop, Housemate-Anna rang me and asked if I would pop into Accesorize and buy her some jewellery for her dress. With all the best intentions in the world I popped into the shop and proceeded to take picture of necklaces I thought would go well with Housemate-Anna's dress to send to her. 

However, after the first picture I was told off and said that I couldn't do that anymore. It would have to be my judgement alone then...

As I was looking amongst the necklaces I saw one that was the same colour as the dress I had just bought... I got the dress out to check this and realised that it was! I didn't really have the money to buy the necklace and I had no intention of actually purchasing it, but I just wanted to check, now that my curiosity was quenched I put the dress back in the bag and went to look for further jewellery for Housemate-Anna. 

However, as I went to move on, one of the shop workers slides on over to me. 

"Can I help you with anything?" she asked. 

"No, I'm fine, just browsing."

"Are you looking for a necklace to match that dress?"

I felt dread flow over me, I was not a strong person in moments like this. 

"I was just curious, that's all."

"Well the dress is a very colourful one so I wouldn't recommend more colour to go with it, something simple would be better."

"Huh, okay," I said. "Thanks for letting me know."

I went to move away but somehow she managed to block my path. 

"I'd recommend something like this necklace over here."

I considered just ignoring her and walking away but my social politeness just couldn't allow me. This was highly annoying as (as I had previously stated) I had no money at all. The dress was only available thanks to gift vouchers from work. 

So, alas, I followed her to the new jewellery section. She proceeded to put necklace after necklace out and show me, encouraging me to get the dress out of the bag so that we could all see the full effect of the two things together and see just how much they complimented each other. 

After the third necklace my heart sunk... I was too deep in this sale now. When this happens, I physically cannot say no. I feel too sorry for the woman who has invested all this time in me. I know, this is a ridiculous reaction to have, but I just don't like awkward moments that inevitably happen when, after half an hour of showing you things, you tell them they wasted their time and say no. 

So with this stupid logic in mind, I really had only two options available to me. 

1. Buy an expensive necklace. 
2. Buy a cheap necklace. 

I opted for 2.

Out of all the necklaces she showed me, there was one that was miraculously only £6. Also she seemed quite fond of this one and seemed to be encouraging me to buy it. Although when I started to favour it, she seemed to back track and suggest the pearl necklace she had shown me earlier. By some amazing feat of strength (or desperation over the sheer little amount of money I had) I managed to stand my ground and choose the cheap £6 necklace.

As such I ran to the counter, parted with my money and legged it out of the shop. It was only as I was walking down the street that I realised I hadn't actually achieved what I had gone in there to do. Housemate-Anna's jewellery. 

I briefly considered going back but I feared what other bags and bracelets and earrings I would inevitably end up with so I kept on running towards the bus and broke the pathetic news to Housemate-Anna via text as I felt too ashamed to ring her. 

I think this is a good start to an awesome wedding weekend. Speak soon. 

Peace out my lovelies. 

Just a short one to let you all know I'm not dead.

I'm off tomorrow for a wedding on Saturday. I am highly excited about this because it means a new dress and a chance to make myself all fancy, which doesn't happen that often. In going to dress up and pretend to be a lady! Huzzah!

Sorry I haven't posted much recently. When I've become less emotional I shall be back on track, I promise! In the meantime, I leave you with this awesome fact. April will welcome a new funny Lisa! We hope... Nope we know... I think. Best I can do with positive thinking!

Love you all and happy April everybody!

Peace out my lovelies.

I'm bleeding and it's all happiness's fault.

I cut my lip smiling yesterday... who does that? I do apparently.

It was rather ironic as I was being stupidly moody yesterday even though the sun was out and the weather was amazeballs and the day was going smoothly and it wasn't even my period time. For no apparent reason I was determined to stay in a bad mood and as Line-Manager-Monica is away this week, I had no one to take it out on but myself. As such, I scowled and called myself names which, I have to say, were pretty harsh and uncalled for.

I talked to Work-Buddy-James at lunchtime about the stupid mood I was illogically maintaining, he reminded me of all the reasons why I shouldn't be in the mood I was in... mainly all the reasons I mentioned above.

As such, in the afternoon, I decided to snap myself out of this silliness and force a smile on my face. How I chose to do this was to take the little hand held mirror Line-Manager-Monica leaves on her desk, look myself deep in the eye, and make the biggest smile I was capable of making.

I did this... I smiled big. And then, no sooner had I started this smile, I felt the crack of the skin over my bottom lip and I began to bleed. Go figure.

Needless to say, I gave up on that idea pretty sharpish and went on with my ongoing 'close to the mark' insults towards myself. You know, I can be such a bitch to myself when I want to be. I don't know how I sleep at night... wait, I don't. I just sit up crying over the really harsh insults I've received all day.

Anywho... I went home and had an 'early into the morning, let's be unbelievably girly and in touch with our emotions etc etc' conversation with Housemate-Anna. I like her. She's a lot nicer to me than I am.

This whole post was meant to be a sort of funny post about being moody but I fear it has simply come across as just plain moody... If this is how you have interpreted it, then please can you go back to the beginning and read it again but with the impression that I am now looking back on the time with an amused reflection of how silly emotions can be whilst eating an ice lolly and humming to myself. I won't tell you what I'm humming however, that I will leave for you to make up yourselves, give you a chance to let the creative juices flowing. If you do have a song in mind that you care to share, then by all means do so. It may give me something new to hum when writing one of my later blogs.

Anywho, Housemate-Anna sent me to bed all talked out and I slept like a baby so I have been singing her praises all morning. I wonder if she'll be happy to forget about the prospect of eventually marrying and having children and just live with me as Housemate-Anna for the rest of our lives... NOTE TO SELF: Find a way to ask Housemate-Anna this tonight without creeping her out.

I have a tank sized cup of coffee waiting for me so I'm going to go and get on with drinking that now.

Talk soon.

Peace out my lovelies.

Me: Are we really sad doing this? ... One-And-Only-Daniela: No, we're fine.

One-And-Only-Daniela is around this weekend once again (I know, she might as well just live here right?). Last night we went to see The Hunger Games which was so amazing I can't even begin... I just... no words... wow.

It was a little annoying that we went at 5:20pm on the first Friday it was out. This meant that there were a lot of early teen girls in the cinema with us... Now, I tend to be of the opinion that I should tolerate all kinds of people in the world, we are all equals and worthy of the same respect... yesterday I decided that early teen females who travel around in packs and giggle incessantly throughout a movie whenever a female and male even touch each other was where I drew the line.

One-And-Only-Daniela tends to have a favourite saying that goes something like this... "I swear, I'm going to smack someone in a minute." This is usually followed by my own line of "Daniela, you have too much pent up rage, not everyone deserves a smack, let's try some love instead."

Last night however, I was there cracking my knuckles with her. There were moments when I swear I missed whole scenes because of the giggling pubescent girls surrounding us from every direction. People need to stop having fun with their friends and openly showing their enjoyment of things... it's just not acceptable.

If you want to have proper fun then you need to take a leaf out of mine and One-And-Only-Daniela's book. Last night we drank wine, talked about getting emotional, got emotional and then went to bed. It was very civilised and didn't interrupt anyone's viewing of films that they had been waiting for months to see.

This morning was even more awesome. We woke up and sat in my double bed, both with our iphones out, playing Temple Run for about an hour. This was before any real conversation. The only thing we talked about during this experience was the following comments:

OAOD: Oh wow you got the magnet power up, that's my favourite, I'm really jealous.
Me: I know it's the best isn't it?

Me: Let's start the games at exactly the same time and see who lasts the longest.
OAOD: Okay! That sounds like fun.

Me: Are we really sad doing this?
OAOD: No, we're fine.

We then progressed to watching Vampire Diaries and swooning for 45 minutes.

All in all, I think that's a Saturday morning well spent.

Peace out my lovelies.

I prefer to rely on things that might not be real, internetually and in real life.

A phone conversation I had with Younger-Brother-Daniel last night.

Younger-Brother-Daniel has been shortened to YBD

YBD: Lisa, you and Cousin-Becky were having good old banter on Twitter last weekend and when I joined in, you both just stopped. 

Me: Oh my days, that comment you put up slayed me. I thought it was hilarious. 

YBD: So why didn't you respond? I felt like you were being mean and didn't want to talk to me. 

Me: Are you kidding? It was a perfect response to what we were saying. I even repeated it to One-And-Only-Daniela who was with me. 

YBD: Again, I ask, why did you ignore me then?

Me: Well, because it was hilarious. It would have been less funny if a comment followed it. 

YBD: This wasn't a script for some comedy show. This was just comic banter on Twitter between cousins. 

Me: Isn't that the same thing?

YBD: What? No! This is real life, you're allowed to comment on something funny, in fact it's encouraged, it makes the other person feel involved. 

Me: I'm confused. Don't you spend hours in your day thinking up funny and witty things to say on the internet?

YBD: Noooo, I generally just talk to people like we're real human beings

Me: Well, you obviously don't take the Internet as seriously as me.

YBD: You mean I don't spend 24/7 on it trying to be funny? No, I have a life. 

Me: Daniel, you're a third year university student who goes to bed at 7am, wakes up at 9pm and spends your remaining time sitting at your computer. 

YBD: Your point?

...

Hey guys, remember when I used to blog on this thing every day? Yeah, they were good times. Sorry I've been sucky with that. I am trying but crumminess of life keeps on getting in the way. 

One thing I have noticed over twitter this week though is that everyone seems to be having a pretty crappy week. I completely relate to all these people, I have no idea what is going on but this week just seems to suck... a lot. 

I mean, sure, I can attribute my sudden loss of cheer to having my beautiful hat stolen from me. That thing took up all my free time last week, it's a really good conversationalist (is that a word? My iPhone seems to think it is, so I'm going with it). 

I tried to create a substitute friend to help me through the dark days. Meet Ernie. 

He's pretty awesome, however he's only a couple of days old and he seems a little lonely. I'm considering making him a friend but he'll have to wait until next week because I am now off work until Monday. 

Line-Monica-Manager has threatened to destroy him while I'm away... after I told her that he's the only thing getting me through the loss of Andy-Thelans-Hat. 

When I shared my terror over this threat, she simply laughed and said "Why don't you go and blog about it?"

So I am. 

Dear Line-Manager-Monica, 

Please don't kill Ernie. I made him his own hat today and I haven't even managed to get a picture of him in it for the sake of memories etc. 

Also, it would just be plain harsh to create a person, let them sit alone watching me work for three days, and then kill him before he's even had a chance to live.

I think he's going to end up with hopes and wishes (I'm not entirely sure, I haven't figured out all of his personality yet) and you can't rip that chance away from him, it may almost definitely crush him. 

There's the added issue of my own emotions and feelings of loss. Ernie, in his short life has been 100% dependable and he is out of reach of all ninjas. If I lost another inanimate object that I have given a personality, there is no telling how my sanity challenged mind will take it. 

All that said, I look forward to coming back on Monday and seeing him smiling happily up at me the way he always has. 

Thanks very much

Lisa. 

There, that should do it. *fingers crossed*

Peace out my lovelies. 

For Marmie.

I want to tell you all about this amazing person in my life. A woman that I truly adore and look up to and try to model my life around in every turn I make. That woman is my mother.

(She's the one that is female and not me)

My mum is one of those people who will always put the needs of others before her own. She works really hard at providing a loving and nurturing relationship with everyone who knows her and she is absolutely amazing at it.

Growing up, she was the perfect role model to have, always caring, always conscientious of others feelings and always always open with how much she loves us. I think it's only once you're away from your family, living in a real world with access to real sadness, suffering and pain in families that you find yourself realising just how lucky you had it, how well your parents had done to shield and protect you from the things that could have damaged you in your childhood.

My mother (and my father who is also awesome) did this so well. Sure I hated them at the time for not being allowed out to the park after dark to drink with people from school at 14 years old. Now, I see it, I see how they wanted to make sure I enjoyed my childhood whilst I had it. There were plenty enough times in my adulthood to make all the mistakes I will invariably do as a human being. At that time, they were my protectors and responsible for how I would grow up, and they weren't going to take the responsibility lightly.

I want to share just one of my many amazing memories of my mother and an example of her love as it is simply awesome.

When we were young, around the years 5-10 years old, my parents (being Salvation Army Officers) would have to go away over the Easter period for a week. As such, Older-Brother-Glyn would be sent to my dad's parents and myself and Younger-Brother-Daniel would go and stay at my mum's parents. This was only one week, and to be perfectly honest, at that age, we were all much more excited that we got to go and play and Grandma and Grandad's house because there were loads of toys there and Grandma would take us out every day, so really we were completely fine about the whole thing.

My mother however, didn't want any of us to think that this meant she loved us any less, or that she wasn't thinking of us over this holiday period, and so she would make us a letter and a present for every day she was gone. Each morning we would wake up, run to our Grandma and beg her for our new installment.

I couldn't tell you now what any of those gifts were, or what any of the letters said in any detail, but I do know that they were full of love and I never doubted that my mum was thinking about each of us every day.

As I've grown up, there have been rough patches, mainly due to me being the worst grumpy teenager to my parents in the world... Seriously, it's put me off ever having girls, I was a nightmare, but after I stopped being the teenager from hell, my mum and I became close, became not just mother and daughter, but friends.

Sure we have our differences, she is the cleanest person in the world (to OCD level) and... well... I do like my clutter. There have been struggles, but when you can say that your hardest struggle in your relationship with your mother is that you fear you will never be as good a person as she is, I think you can safely say that she did a good job.

This year is the first year that my mum is without all three of her children. She's in Scotland and we're in England and I still haven't managed to get a chance to speak to her yet. Her family means the world to her, I would even go as far as saying that we are her world. I know, more than anything, that there is nothing she wouldn't do for us.

She's the woman who wrote me letters when she wasn't around, she's the woman who sat and cried with me in our bathroom when I made the decision to take a gap year instead of going to the uni I had working so hard to get into and had failed, she's the woman that, when she hears I'm upset, her gut instinct has been to come and get me and help even if she is 8 hours away, she's the woman who got on a train last year from Scotland when I was moving house, armed with a suitcase full of cleaning products, in order to ensure I had help to get everything done. She's the woman who looks at her three children and I can see how much happiness she wishes on us, how much she wants to see us married and with children, not just so that she can have Grandchildren, like we joke, but because she wants us to experience the sheer joy and happiness that she has felt marrying my dad and raising us three.

It feels really weird and kind of emotional that I'm not with her this year, and I really hate that she is without any of us on a day when we really should be spending all our time with her, singing her praises.

So instead of that, I thought that I would take a leaf out of her book and write her this. My letter to my amazing mother who I love very very much and miss with all my heart.

I love you mum. Happy mother's day.

It truly is a very special hat

Last Sunday evening, I was crashed on Housemate-Anna's bed, discussing what our weeks had been like.

Housemate-Anna: So did you have a good time with Andy today?
Me: Yeah, it was cool, we went on the swings and got a ice cream from the ice cream truck and then we went to the cinema.
Housemate-Anna: That sounds like a busy day.
Me: It was, but you know what was the best thing about it?
Housemate-Anna: What?
Me: I have managed to gain possession of Andy's hat.
Housemate-Anna: What's so great about Andy's hat?
Me: What's so great about it? (I jump up and run to my bedroom to retrieve the hat) Look at it! It's amazing and I love it! I want it to be mine. I've been trying to make it happen but he always catches me out at the last minute and steals it back from me. But today I got the upper hand... today, I stole that hat right from under his nose and he didn't even notice! I win!!
Housemate-Anna: Wow, this is something you're quite clearly passionate about.
Me: He probably hasn't even noticed I have it yet. He's probably sitting at home blissfully unaware that I am in possession of the hat of awesome.
Housemate-Anna: (Losing interest and starting to flick through her magazine) Probably.
Me: I'll have to tell him... but I have to do it in a good way... something that will be awesome... I think I'll use facebook... (I jump up in excitement as my idea came to me) I need my camera! I need my keys to go outside and I need someplace that's woody.

And without a backward glance from me or a perplexed look from Housemate-Anna (she has grown used to my moments of awesomeness) I started what anyone who knows me on facebook will know as one of the following:

1. The most annoying Lisa has ever been on facebook week
2. The most hilarious Lisa has ever been on facebook week
or the majority vote went for...
3. The week Lisa lost her mind and took some random hat with her.

My first photo, on Sunday night was:

Let me tell you a story of Andy Thelan's hat.

One day it was sitting in Andy's car and thought to itself "I want to travel the world!" and so it took what little money it had, jumped out the window and started the magical journey of wonder that it hoped would change it's life... And it did. Oh boy it did.

I received no reply from him regarding this and so I had no choice but to continue with the following two pictures on Monday.

"Hey Lisa?" Andy Thelan's hat said with a sigh.

"What's up Andy Thelan's hat?" I asked?

"I grow tired of trying to see the world on my own, I don't really get that far because ... Well ... You know ... I don't have a map."

"You also don't have any legs Andy Thelan's hat," I added.

"You are wise Lisa, therefore I have asked if you might be my guide to see the wonders of the world I have not seen."

"Of course I will Andy Thelan's hat!"

"Wonderful!" The hat remarked. "Now... Where to?"

"Sainsburys." I replied. "It's five minutes from the flat."

"Very well," Andy Thelan's hat replied, "I shall bring the bullet of truth just in case."

"Do you need a gun for that?" I asked.

"No, just the beating heart of a sacrificed pig."

"Oh okay, let's go."

Me: Andy Thelan's hat? What are your hopes and dreams?
Andy-Thelan's-Hat: Ah well, Lisa, you have embarked on a rather tricky subject I am afraid.
Me: Oh really, why's that?
Andy-Thelans-Hat: I'm afraid young child, I am not capable of dreams as I unable to sleep, let alone dream.
Me: You mean like Edward Cullen?
Andy-Thelans-Hat: there at a few differences within that association but... Essentially yes.
Me: What? You mean like the fact you like Pringles and not blood.
Andy-Thelans-Hat: well yes, but also because I am a hat.
Me: Oh... Do you sparkle in the sun?
Andy-Thelans-Hat: (pause) No Lisa, no I do not.

Still not a single response. He was being cool about it, he didn't want to air out all his pain on a forum that everyone would see... So instead, I thought I would let him know just how much of an awesome time I was having with his hat, thus came these following photos throughout the week.

Andy-Thelans-Hat: Wake up Lisa, you'll be late for work.
Me: But I'm tired Andy Thelan's Hat
Andy-Thelans-Hat: Let me tell you about life Lisa, sometimes you spend it asleep and sometimes you spend it awake. You have slept and now you must do the awake thing. Come on, I will buy you a Cappuccino from Starbucks.
Me: Where do you keep all your money? You don't have any pockets.
Andy-Thelans-Hat: I keep it all in that magical place where unicorns frolic and Lindsay Lohan has never heard of drugs.

Andy-Thelans-Hat: You look nice today Lisa
Me: Really? Thanks Andy Thelan's Hat. You always look nice.

Me: Hey Andy Thelan's Hat, now that we're 7 episodes into 4400 what do you think of it?
Andy-Thelans-Hat: I like it, it is showing a fantasy world based around unique special powers on a highly Science Fictional level which both excites and intrigues me into wanting to see more. How about you?
Me: I think it's good but I'm still freaked out by the little blonde girl.
Andy-Thelans-Hat: I don't think she's supposed to freak you out.
Me: I know, but she was in an episode of Supernatural where she played a creepy little girl and I can't get my mind off it. I think she just needs some eye make up.
Andy-Thelans-Hat: Lisa! 8 year olds do not need to wear eye make up!
Me: But it would make her less creepy!
Andy-Thelans-Hat: Lisa. If I ever see you campaigning to put eye make up on an 8 year old then I will no longer be your friend.
Me: (grumbles) She's probably wearing make up anyway. She's on TV.
Andy-Thelans-Hat: That is not the same thing and you know it.

By Thursday I began to believe that it was possible Andy had decided he didn't want his hat back, he hadn't responded once to any of my conversations with Andy-Thelans-Hat so I decided this needed addressing, to see if I could bring out some form of emotion from him.

Andy-Thelans-Hat: What are you doing young one?
Me: I'm looking at Andy Thelan's Facebook profile.
Andy-Thelans-Hat: Why?
Me: I don't think he's noticed that you have gone travelling, either that or he doesn't care.
Andy-Thelans-Hat: The mind of Andy Thelan is a complex one. He could have many a reason for not retrieving me.
Me: Like what Andy-Thelans-Hat?
Andy-Thelans-Hat: Perhaps he sees that your need for my company is greater than his at this present time.
Me: Why would he think that?
Andy-Thelans-Hat: I am sure you must have heard before that subtlety is not your strongest talent.
Me: Does that mean you get to stay?
Andy-Thelans-Hat: I will stay for as long as I am needed to.
Me: I don't think I could ever not need you.
Andy-Thelans-Hat: We shall see young one, we shall see

Me: Sigh
Andy-Thelans-Hat: What's wrong child?
Me: Oh nothing.
Andy-Thelans-Hat: Is it because you are receiving a large amount of concerned comments about all of these conversations you are having with an item of clothing?
Me: No, it's not that.
Andy-Thelans-Hat: Is it because people are starting to change their opinion of you and have voiced their concerns that you may have crossed a line into insanity this time?
Me: No.
Andy-Thelans-Hat: ... Really? You're not bothered by that at all?
Me: I'm just concerned about what Andy Thelan's next move will be. I mean he really likes you. He's not going to let me keep you. What if I wake up one morning to find he's broken into my flat and stolen you in the middle of the night.
Andy-Thelans-Hat: You're not even bothered by the frightened look Work-Buddy-James gave you yesterday when you discussed our conversations?
Me: I've become so attached to you now I don't think my emotions could take it. Besides there are so many places I promised you I would show you... We still haven't been to the Tesco Express down the road.
Andy-Thelans-Hat: Lisa, people are beginning to find it awkward to talk to you. They fear they can't connect to you anymore.
Me: There's also the wine shop next door. I was one of their first customers, they'd make you feel welcome.
Andy-Thelans-Hat: They actually worry you may have crossed over to insanity.
Me: Can you at least promise me that if he does come to steal you in the night, you will shout out as loud as you can to wake me up?
Andy-Thelans-Hat: I promise to shout as loud as a hat can.
Me: Thanks Andy-Thelans-Hat

Throughout the week, odd people commented, friends at work avoided me, phone calls were made to me where people inquired how that hat was as well as how I was. It was all good, however there were the odd few that were starting to feel annoyed with the deep conversations I was having with my beautiful new hat. Apparently this next photo was the last straw for a certain someone.

Me: I'm running out of eyeliner Andy Thelan's Hat.
Andy-Thelans-Hat: Sometimes the world can be a really hard place.
Me: Tell me about it.

Claire-The-Bully responded in the only bullyish way she knows how.

Comment: You are fast becoming on my 'block from homepage' list!!! ;)

Naturally this concerned me as, despite being a bully, she was also a friend and like to be able to inform her of things facebook wise, which resulted in this:

Me: Andy Thelans Hat, I'm worried our friendship is upsetting one of the bullies. And she's a bully, she has the power to bully me.
Andy-Thelans-Hat: Why would she bully you young one?
Me: I believe I sometimes annoy her. I don't mean to. I love her lots but I fear even this conversation will cause her to block me.
Andy-Thelans-Hat: How are you planning to fix this.
Me: I plan on telling her she's pretty.
Andy-Thelans-Hat: Good luck.
Me: Thanks.

By Friday, I was feeling pretty confident that it was quite clear Andy did not want his hat back. Unfortunately Andy-Thelans-Hat had also picked up on this realisation and needed consoling.

Andy-Thelans-Hat: Lisa, I would like to share my despair with you.
Me: What's wrong Andy Thelan's Hat?
Andy-Thelans-Hat: I fear Andy Thelan has grown tired of me and has decided he no longer wants me.
Me: Oh Andy Thelan's Hat! I'm so sorry to hear that!
Andy-Thelans-Hat: I do not completely believe you my child. People do not normally dance a jig when they are sharing their sympathies.
Me: ... It's my "I feel sorry for you" dance.
Andy-Thelans-Hat: It's very impressive, I was not aware you knew how to do the splits.
Me: I've been practising... I hope you're not too upset though, you enjoy being with me don't you?
Andy-Thelans-Hat: Well, you do give me a lot to talk about.
Me: Literally.
Andy-Thelans-Hat: Yes, I think I shall be happy here. Now... Where to next?
Me: I have a meeting to go to, so you get to sit in my bag for a couple of hours.
Andy-Thelans-Hat: Very well.

And quite simply, that was how I came to own Andy-Thelans-Hat. It was a beautiful day and we were very happy together.

Unfortunately, this story does not have a happy ending. I'm about to tell you what happened to me at half six last night as I was walking out of the train station but there is a chance that you may not believe me. However, it did happen... ask One-And-Only-Daniela, she was there with me.

I was walking as per normal in the cold night air with Andy-Thelans-Hat firmly on my head and keeping my ears warm, when out of nowhere a guy ran up dressed as a ninja and stole the hat from my head, running off like a lunatic whilst I shouted out in despair after him.

This morning Andy Thelan posted this on Facebook.

Hat just got hand delivered by a ninja. He didn't say much.

Touche Andy Thelan, Touche.

Peace out my lovelies.